This is my happy place.
The sun shining, warm on my skin. Beautiful blue ocean water as far as the eye can see. Clean, clear and cool.
My family and friends are spread out both on the beach, and about to jump in right behind me.
A picnic blanket is laid out and a wonderful spread of local, organic fresh fruit and vegetables awaits.
Why am I telling you this?
Because this week I faced many difficult moments, and I visited my happy places so many times. I could see it. Hear it. Smell it. I could see my daughters running to me the last time we went there….
This was a week of letting go to level up.
Conversations I needed to have with loved ones. Letting them know I was stepping back from the role they know me in. Telling them I was forging ahead on a new path.
It was painful and uncomfortable. But I learned something really important about my self.
In the past when I wanted to get out of something I would pretty much be going along like everything was fine, and then I would just have enough one day and I would quit. Walk out. Disappear. No closure. No conversations.
I knew this was happening from time to time but I don’t think I even fully realized how often until I began writing this post.
As my nails click along on the keyboard, more times come flooding back to me. Relationships, jobs, general commitments.
This was gruelling for me to get through. But as recognized my almost reflex of wanting to run, I forced myself to stay and face the consequences.
It meant shedding a lot of tears. It meant telling people they were going to have to go on without me.
It meant leaving my comfort zone and stepping in to the unknown – going it alone.
I’m so glad I did.
I can let go of being the person who leaves loose ends.
I have grown strong enough to speak my truth and respectful enough to tell it to others instead of leaving them with questions. I have started on a path of integrity, of building truly good, kind and honourable character.
I know my passions. I know what I can contribute to the world. I know the life I am working every day to build.
You can’t live in two worlds. You can’t sail away to your dreams and sit on the dock with your olds friends at the same time.
And that hurts.
I had to choose, and so do you if you ever want more than a mediocre, lukewarm life.
You will have to go ALL IN.
I hope so. You are so worth it.